Bit Jumbley

So this might be not as coherent as I would normally like but I must get these things down and thus out of my head.

Yule. Was. Awesome!

I loved it. I loved the connection to my ancestors through making food. I loved the lack of pressure that I place on myself. I loved the honest feeling of connection. Best holiday season I have had in a long time.

Spend Christmas with blood kin for the first time in about a decade. It was wonderful to be there and be a part of it all. I really did enjoy it. Things just worked out for me to be around my loved ones.

I did have a rather rough time dealing with some family members and how they choose to see, deal and interact with the world. I am struggling to understand why I seem to take it so personal. It was not even directed at me and yet I found it disconcertingly offensive.

I am going to be thinking long and hard about this and looking for guidance.

The reading goes well. Really liking the meditations and energy work. Now that it is getting more into realms that I am not already familiar with I will be doing more of the assignment's and think I may actually go back to do them all. Even once the book is done and I continue on to the next I will keep this one around for the exercise. I am even thinking of buying my own copy to keep for reference.

Found my meditation pose. Just need to work out how to comfortably support said pose. I plan to meditate more.

The Wiccan Year

I have finished my second initiation book "The Wiccan Year" by Judy Ann Nock

I got much more out of it this time around. I was able to stop trying to figure out what was relevant to me and really take what i needed from it. To learn and grow without looking to cram myself into a niche.

I really enjoyed the visualizations as it took me back to being younger and that ability to really put myself in a situation. Complete with sensations.

I did find it centred on the female energies and understand why that is. I do look forward to discussing this book with others to get a male perspective on it and thus relate to what the book has to say in a different way.

Is it strange that even as a "gay" man( I honestly feel that my sexuality has evolved to the state of being more of a pansexual) that I do not necessarily feel a stronger connection to the goddess energies? I do not think so but look forward to exploring that aspect a bit more. I don't think that I have ever been that conscious of a difference in the energies.

Hmm.

Interesting.

I have swiftly moved on to reading my next book. I had planned to read "Egyptian Paganism" by Jocelyn Almond and Keith Seddon but was draw to look into "The Inner Temple of Witchcraft" by Christopher Penczak instead. I feel I have been missing my inner power and that connection to the divine. Knowing the practises that draw me in will not help me if I do not understand my own power.

Who knows, I may end up just reading both at the same time.

Progress

Just a quick update.

i have finished my first IDGAf initiation required reading book!!!

I found the insights super helpful, the history fascinating and the way that science was interrelated compelling. I felt some of the generalities a bit much at times but all in all a simply wonderful way to really begin this whole process.

With the festive time of year I thought it best to go back to read(and in fact finish reading) The Wiccan Year by Judy Ann Nock. With the tools I learned from the Higginbothams, I feel that the discussions and practices in this book will be much more relevant than the first time i tried to read it.

I think it's the firming of the idea of interconnectedness that really makes the absorbing of more of this kind of information that much easier. I have really been opened up to the thoughts of my whole being, of being able to take what I need from these sources and do what I need to do with it. It's an empowering thought and one I intend to run with.

A quick note on a "blog prompt".

I have not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses but still felt compelled to write something. I feel that I may struggle with my confidence at times and can really have some harsh negative self talk. A theme that I am becoming more closely focused on in my personal practice is positivity. To try and see the positive in all things. To really try and look at things as "half full".

Because I think that it makes my life worth living and I think it can really have an impact on the lives of those whom I come in contact with. I am not going around ignoring negative things but I am attempting to be responsible for how I react to things. That is all I can control.

So I am not wearing "rose tinted glasses" but genuinely putting forth hope and compassion. I have to believe that things are good and will default to positive. Otherwise, what's the point?

Rabble On

Progress. Right. I've had it. End of post.

I kid, I kid.

I continue to read and really enjoy the Higginbotham book. I find the insights helpful and relatable. Some of the concepts are familiar to me already whilst the historical look at things is fascinating.

The concepts of science relating to the oneness of everything is particularly intriguing. To look at everyday things and ideas and concepts and see the Divine/spiritual in them is something that I have been striving for.

I have not been doing the "homework" in the book as most of the exercises are to drive home the points made in the chapter and I have been conceptualizing those points fairly easily thus far. If I find myself loosing the thread I may simply reread the chapter or passages.

I have taken part in a couple of guided meditations and plan to do more. They scare me and fascinated me in almost equal parts. Fear is a large part of my life and has been for as long as I can remember. I think that is just part of coming from an abusive background. That being said I am striving to acknowledge that and move with it. Use it. Deal with it.

Huh. That came out of nowhere. Back to the meditations.

They were a new experience for me and really did reveal things about myself that I was not expecting. The sheer amount of new information is daunting. At this stage I feel I have more questions than answers.

And I'm okay with that. As I keep getting told, "It's okay. Calm down. Take your time."

But I want to know. I need to know. I will keep searching and reaching for understanding. There is now more that I must research and contemplate. The further I delve into myself the more focused my search becomes.

And that's the greatest thing about this process. I didn't know where to start so jumped in with both feet. I knew what spoke to me and I have been given....input that those were the right choices. And now I know that I have even further to go. Options have been expanded.

I am freakin' stoked!