I have not fallen off the wagon. Well, not completely.
Finished Egyptian Paganism by Jocelyn Almond and Keith Seddon. Really got a lot out of it. Enjoyed the format and the academic references. I am glad that I read it post Penczak though. The larger concepts were easier to relate to and understand with Inner Temple under my belt. I do need to read further and research more but am much more comfortable in my inclusion of some Kemetic type practices and such in my personal life.
Now reading A Practical Heathen's Guide to Asatru by Patricia M. Lafayllve. On the recommendation of my mentor as a starter to heathenism. I struggled to get into this book for no good reason. Perhaps it is because I was reading an electronic format or that I have simply overstimulated myself with research.
I am loving the book however. The actual references to historical documents and reconstructionism is fascinating. As well as having, not only premade rituals, but guidelines and explanations for creating ones own. As a solitary or as part of a community.
Each book I read seems to lead me to the next. Like breadcrumbs. I want to know everything but really have to trust my guides and intuition on what path that will take. And take those steps one at a time.
(I am constantly being told to relax. Take my time. Stop trying so hard.)
In other news, I have been doing a fair bit of meditation. Not just the Penczak guided ones but whenever I have a few moments to myself out of doors. Even just waiting in the cold and snow for a bus is a great time to try and connect with my inner power, my ancestors or guides. I am feeling more entered and connected than I have in a long time.
My land stewardship has waned, I will be honest. That being said I have made friends with the trees at my regular bus stop and thus do not feel too bad for having not ventured out to my other place.
I knew this post was going to be a long one but I really did want to talk about how freaking happy I am now. Living positively. Being that optimistic person that I use to be. I am healing, slowly but surely. I have slipped back and reconnected with a source of energy that is not healthy for me however. I know that I really need to do a cord cutting meditation but not sure I can bring myself to do so just yet.
Trying to not beat myself up about it too much. I know that isn't helpful but even with my veritable font of energy, I can still get down. I just don't like it.
BUT! I shall learn. And grow. And change. And evolve. And forever better myself.
